Tekken on the system

Tekken 6 is just that: The sixth iteration of the franchise. By now, you should know full well if it's worth your money or not.

For long time fans like me, the complaints have nothing to do with the fighting, which is where it must excel. They instead reside in things that, I'll admit, I never thought I'd have a problem with. For instance, you don't have your normal menu. You have "Online mode" and "Offline mode", which isn't exactly self-explanatory. Then you go into Offline mode only to find your cursor highlighting the Scenario campaign. The long version: You get to watch a bunch of Story mode schlock, complete with Metal Gear length cutscenes, and then you get to play a side-scrolling beat-em up version of a fairly technical fighter.

The short version: I hope you liked The Bouncer, motherfucker, because you're going to play it again.

And the reason you'll play it again is because you will wish to unlock things, which simply doesn't happen at a very fast rate- this is actually the fastest mode to do it in. Even stranger, if you want to unlock an ending, this is where you do it. Not through arcade mode, or even through the store. Here, and only here, by fighting in the "Arena". Oh, and you can only use people you've already unlocked in the Scenario campaign. It's actually somewhat humorous to leave the arcade mode, with its huge brigade of characters to head into a mode where you have two.

Speaking of characters, there is a robust character customization in place, even allowing some cosplaying to go on. This is important to people like me, who actually think KOF characters aren't in enough (good) games. However, this process is kneecapped by the pittance of cash your fighter is paid for victory: I've but in a fair amount of hours, and, god willing, by the end of this month I might be able to afford a new shirt for Asuka. The wide canyon between how much money you get and how much things cost puts fucking minibars to shame, except for certain accessories, which is my way of saying you'll be able to afford a sword long before you can get your character a hair cut.

So, yeah, the fighting game's intact, and the online's alright, but I'd be lying if I didn't wonder what sort of bizarre experiments were going on at Namco.

Tony Hawk:Ride (more like Deride)

Watch that .gif a few times. Take it in.

Got it? Good.

Now, let me make a few notes about it.

1. This is not a hacked version, nor are there any cheat codes being applied. This is the retail, otherwise untouched, finished product.

2. As far as I know, TH:TR does not feature a level design like Strider's, where gravity switches on you throughout a level.

3. This ill-programmed shovelware bomb sets you back a cool $120, though it does provide you with a board that also wasn't programmed well.

It's been a hard time for the THPS series, which happens when you take a game about skateboarding and indie bands and exchange it for Top 40 radio and riding in grocery carts. Oh, and you fail to innovate throughout 4 or 5 sequels. This being the age of the gimmick, be it plastic instruments, motion controls or ridiculous pack-ins, they decided to technically add all three and do none of them well. Which would be fine if that was step 2- then I could merely write it off as "meh, shovelware". And it would be harmless, as it would be just another Tony Hawk game.

Unfortunately, everything about this game points to the heads at Activision getting the market concept down - Here's a game with a REAL(tm) Skateboard Controller! - and then slacking on the game side of things. There's not an ether on this planet strong enough to get me to believe they ran QA on this atrocity. This has been a really unfortunate side effect of the motion control/instrument side of the gaming industry, and indeed the mainstream popularity of it: mediocrity is acceptable, since hey, we're getting new customers who have no problem with the controller not working properly or the game being shit. I think the best review I've seen is a youtube video where a soccer mom says "for somebody who can barely walk a straight line, this is great!" Not high praise to be lumped in with an activity reserved for field sobriety tests.

And good news: there's already a plan for the sequel. That's okay, I'll be over here working on my Survival Arts skills. Let me know when you can get quality even similar to that of Top Skater, an arcade game that came out 12 years ago.

Ramen and Video Games: A Perfect Match

And now, it is beginning of a fantastic bowl of noodles!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmVB0Lz3U0o

As somebody who walks around at work humming game tunes (yeah, seriously: I actually use the level transition music from Double Dragon II when I go up/down stairs), this is pretty f'n awesome. I always felt Bubble Bobble had one of the less appreciated themes. I'd love to see somebody do a Trans-Siberian orchestra style version of it. The opening chords would be worth it alone.

Back to writing

I'm going to be resuming actual writing activities, and boy do I have a lot to talk about. Here's what's on my plate for reviews:

Gundam F91

Mobile Suit Gundam: Movie Trilogy

BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger (and my view on the new version, Continuum Shift)

Cheap Boss Stuff

Hokuto No Ken The Fighter

Ghostbusters (PS3)

Snatcher (Sega CD)

Phantasy Star- Yes, the first one

Pulseman

Super Robot Wars/Another Century's Episode

And lots of other stuff that doesn't suck.

-Trakdown

More like King Of Fail.

Wow. I owe the makers of the KOF movie an apology.

See, I originally lambasted them for leaving out the Ikari Warriors. Instead, I realize they just blew me a big, wet sloppy kiss by leaving them out, as well as all my favorites.

Because trust me, this movie is going to be shitty. Like Toilet-in-the-back-of-the-worst-gas-station-in-a-small-hick-town shitty.

The only person that looks anything like a video game character in this is the woman. I assume that's Mai, but it looks more like a H-Doujin cosplay version of Final Fantasy 8's Rinoa Heartilly. I'd like to think that guy in the trenchcoat might be Iori, but I'll never know since the emo, brooding jackass is now wearing FUCKING HOCKEY GEAR.

Did I mention Terry Bogard, the "Lone Wolf", is now a CIA Agent? See, this is why I'm glad my faves are far away from this rectal remnant. Lord knows, Goenitz would be played by an Eskimo and selling hot dogs, Blue Mary would be a hooker played by Lil' Kim, and Geese Howard would be a crossdresser who's actually a chick.

The worst thing about this is that I know my parents are going to be like "It's worth a rental". Yeah, they tried to pull that with "Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-LI", a movie destined to fail when they took my fave villain from the Street Fighter universe- M. Fucking Bison- and made him Irish. For fucks sake, the only movie I can even think of with an Irish bad guy was Leprechaun, which, I might remind you, ended in space. It's sad to think Raul Julia actually got the better deal with his portrayal of the sick evil bastard. So, yeah, I'm avoiding this like the plague.

But wait...There's more! A NEW KOF GAME APPEARS!

I'd like to start off this rant with a little history lesson. Namely, this: Video games in Japan, like many of the country's pop culture items, can be named whatever the fuck they want, regardless of the content of the game. Doki Doki Panic (Heartbeat Panic), for instance, has almost nothing to do with hearts and isn't a particularly breakneck speed game. You should know this, since you played something very similar in Mario 2. Sure, for the most part, they actually contain what it says, but then, for the most part, their market is dating sims.

But I digress.

KOF XII was an unadulterated disaster. So my hope was that maybe, they'd rework it to work better. So when I landed on Destructoid and witnessed the horror spoken of above, I saw an ad for King Of Fighters: Sky Stage.

I thought "Okay, strange name, but since I have a game called Melty Blood: Actress Again, maybe it's just their way of getting us a remake!"

Oh, it's remade alright.

Now, I know a lot of people are going "Oh, those wacky Japanese game designers!" Me, I'm too busy with my trademark "FUCKING REALLY" to even go there. I know my friend Shadow loves shmups to death, but this is tragic. There's already a vast ocean of quality shmups available, I don't see any reason why anybody would be going "YAH DOOD BUT YOO CAN PLAY KOF GAIZ". Fuck that. Give me Dodonpachi "Jesus, there's only a bout 3 pixels of open space on the screen" version. I may suck at that, but at least the suck will be on my side and my side alone.

All I can say from this point on: KOF XIII had better be stellar or this series has had it.

From the "How did I miss this" files....

The good news: There's going to be a King Of Fighters movie coming out.

The bad news: Everything else about the stupid movie.

KOF's been kinda hurting lately. KoFXII was a gigantic disappointment that tried to slide by with its pretty graphics, all the while ignoring the bad roster, lack of final boss (how do you not have a final boss in a dream match? It's not like there's guidelines, FFS) and atrocious netcode.

But this is just stupid. Here's the plot synopsis, courtesy of Wikipedia.

"The King of Fighters movie will introduce a new science fiction spin into the setting established in the games’ universe by following the surviving members of three legendary fighting clans who are continually whisked away to other dimensions by an evil power," says insider blog Movieset. "As the fighters enter each new world they battle that universe’s native defenders, while the force that brought them seeks to find a way to invade and infect our world.

That loud crash you just heard was me headdesking at high velocity and with little regard for my well being.

First off, that's not King of Fighters. That's Mortal Kombat(Game).

I never thought I'd ask this question again, as I didn't think I'd have to ask this the first time with the Street Fighter live action movie, but : WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH JUST HAVING A GODDAMN TOURNAMENT?!!!?

You know why Mortal Kombat (the first movie, not the schlock that was Annihilation) was awesome? THEY STAYED TRUE TO THE SOURCE MATERIAL. I don't WANT to see KOF with a Sci-Fi twist, I've already played it. It's called "KOF: The Nests Collection" and it was where the downhill trend hit. This actually sounds worse. Yes, you heard me: I'd rather play a game with watered-down mechanics, madmen with satellites and interstellar space stations, where Akira ripoffs and other shitty forgettable fucks fight in a universe where "We cloned Kyo" passes as a plot than you wiping your ass with the Orochi timeline and throwing in dimensional travel. This isn't Chrono Cross, and don't get any ideas about fucking that up either.

The final nail has to be the roster thus far, though. It makes KOFXII look like KOF2002UM. I see maybe two plausable teams(Kyo/Iori/Chizuru, Rugal/Vice/Mature, which btw is chronologically wrong), NO IKARI WARRIORS (FUUUUUUCKKKK YOUUUUU!), and Terry and Ryo just kinda "there". Oh, and Mai so teens will go see it.

The good news about this is that this is probably going to ping lower than both The Legend of Chun-Li (Irish Bison ftl) and Dead Or Alive and end up next to dollar copies of "Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus II: Bloodlust".

/ragerant

-Trakdown

Gundam 0080: War In The Pocket

The Most Forgettable Gundam Cast, EVER!

My Summer of Gundam continues, and as it does, I decided to check out yet another of the "not often talked about" Gundam series with 0080. Basically, here's the rundown(SPOILERS AHOY):

1)It's short (OVA, only 6 episodes)
2)It's dry (not a whole lot of Gundam action)
3)The characters are badly named and often disposable.

Now, I'm not trying to hold the "short" part against it too much, since some of my favorite series are often short runs (Dominion/New Dominion Tank Police, Paranoia Agent, Gundam 0083). And I'm not going to hold the Gundam designs against it because they really aren't that bad for a series immediately following First Gundam timeline-wise. Indeed, when there is Gundam action, it's pretty awesome.

But then, there's the rest of the story. It's not a bad premise, actually, as it tries to be more humanistic in its approach to the One Year War. And it does tackle the effect of the war on the colonies in a decent way.

And man, is it dry.

The main thrust of the story is supposed to be the adventures of an angsty little brat known as Alfred and the "love story" between Bernie Wiseman (well, Bernard, but who goes by that name?) and Christina McKenzie. I'll get to Al in a minute, but first, this love story is so tepid it's sickening. I'm not sure how anybody could get all that heartbroken over it; by the time the story ends, Chris might as well be saying goodbye to any random good friend. And I'd like to get all weepy about how two people who kinda/sorta think the other is kinda cute end up fighting each other, but given that it's some higher up who forces this hand and the two never even realize it, it's kinda tame. I'm not gonna get emotional over people who interact for all of 10 minutes in a series. Also, who in the fuck even thinks for a second that you can take on a Gundam with a Zaku, especially after that Gundam just ripped apart a specialized MS in a matter of minutes?

"Gimme that camera...wait, don't I know you from Dominion Tank Police?"

And that's where 0080 really falls apart - logic. Look, I get that the idea is supposed to be that Bernie went out fighting, but it's not like his gruesome death is a shocking result from some ninny who hasn't flown a mission yet and listens to a kid who knows less than his own stupid rookie ass. I have to assume that the last name of "Wiseman" is kind of like when they call 7' tall guys "Tiny". This guy makes Kou Uraki look like Jamil Neate. And of course, the kid ends up with irredeemable grief out of it. Why? Well, besides realizing Chris, his "big sister" figure, was in the Gundam when it went down in perfectly reparable fashion, Bernard was found to be in a condition described as "like hamburger". And against Gundam Alex, which was supposed to be Amuro's next suit. SHOCK! If you're in a Zaku and your name isn't Char Aznable, chances are you're fucked.

Wow, the suspense! I mean, which MS is going to step on the kid first?

The characters don't help much. They're fairly generic. Bernie's your typical, stupid rookie. Al's basically the little shit running around your local Wal-Mart and being a nuisance. Chris is the gentle, intelligent girl (and the only person whose fate I gave any care about after the series ended; she's like the good version of Flay Allster). And the brass of both sides, as usual, is filled with knuckleheads, but a special "Fucking really?!" goes to the Zeon side, who didn't seem to foresee the problems they would have with a man by the name of Colonel KILLING. I'm dead serious, that's his name. You know, I'm all for winning the war effort and everything, but if I'm serving under Rear Admiral Rapenpillage, I set up a court martial the instant he starts hinting at breaking the Antarctic Treaty. That little episode really doesn't help the case that Delaz was trying to make about the naughty Feddies making a nuclear Gundam in 0083. No wonder Zeon died off until Counterattack.

VERDICT: Skip this one. The love story is weak. There's two whole Gundam fight scenes. Everything's predictable. The fact that every game Chris and Bernie have appeared in puts them at a level usually reserved for Dan Hibiki should tell you how revered these two are. The moral is that war has real consequences. If you're going through the series chronologically, Ghiren Zabi should've driven that point into your skull by now, in the event that human history failed to do so.

Summer Games

For starters, let me just say this: If you have a PS2 and you haven't hooked up a harddrive to that sumbitch yet, you're missing out. I just did, and even though I've already have a game not work with it (Neo Geo Battle Coliseum, which I've beaten several times any-damn-way), it's so much better now. And it saves my laser, meaning I don't have to replace it and worry about being out another modded system should it fuck up.

I've also starting playing some older games on my PSP courtesy of PicoDrive, namely Snatcher and Sonic CD. I'm also plugging through Panic! again, but it's a bitch when they map the "load state" function to the shoulder button and you accidentally hit it when you're 85% of the way through the game. Autosave has spoiled me, truely.

While I'm on the subject of classics, there's yet another Kojima classic out- There's now an english patch for Policenauts, which I've already downloaded. Looking forward to playing it after Snatcher. I never thought I'd play adventure games again, but it's something you have to grab on to when it comes around.

Most of my time has been spent with actual current gen gaming- that is, PS3. I bolted through Killzone 2 pretty quick, and while I enjoyed it, I'm hesitant to pick it up again just yet. Hell, I haven't even done the online yet, but hopefully the community's still there. I'm actually GLAD I put off Ghostbusters until now, since they just patched the PS3 version to a proper res and fixed some glitches. But I didn't jump back into that yet, either.

Instead, I went to my old standby: the fighting game. In this case, BlazBlue. I finished off the story mode in quick order. It's a decent execution, and the story does actually go somewhere. Plus, there's some great comedy to be found, including a mecha tribute featuring Iron Tager. I'm assuming said tribute is parodying GaoGaiGar, but either way, it's hilarious. The only downside is how one reaches 100%, by requiring the gamer go into fights and lose. Hard? No, but it's a hell of a time sink. At least it doesn't give you a "A winner is you!" screen in many of the cases.

I worry about the storyline precisely because of who's behind the wheel. Daisuke Ishiwatari's previous work in Guilty Gear shows us that we will get a hell of a good fighting game with great music, but we're also going to get revision after revision and a storyline that has a wonderfully intriguing foundation with a bizarre, nonsensical structure resting on top of it, made even stranger by the fact that it was never finished properly. And I'd be wary of traipsing into "but what about Guilty Gear 2" nonsense, as there are plenty who would love to take the bad taste that game left in their mouth and transform it into pure vitriol before shooting it out of their mouths at you.

Guilty Gear's main crime for those who, like me, actually wanted the storyline to mean something, is that you never get anywhere near a fight with THAT MAN (the not-so-great name of the main "antagonist"), instead having to fight everybody but him while he spends most games punching himself in the dick over the mess he's made of the world. In other words, it's all the fun you ever had playing Ghosts 'N Goblins, except no matter how many times you go through the game, you never get the real ending, no matter how hard you've stomped I-No's witch ass into the ground.

Is BlazBlue going the same direction? Well, it could- it's already in pretty convoluted territory, and this is coming from somebody who LOVED MGS2. The story isn't very well fleshed out just yet, made worse by the fact that you play through everybody's story and then- and only then- you get to play the "true end" version. Which I'm sure IS the true ending, but it doesn't tell much of a story. However, we have already had our first encounter with the main bad guy, and though it wasn't in a fight, it at least gave me the idea that this jackoff isn't going to be allowed to merely watch from afar. Indeed, he has already gotten involved and thus should be ready throw down eventually.

I realize in the grand scheme of things, fighting games need a story like NES games need 5.1 Surround Sound, but it's not like this hasn't been done in a coherent fashion with other entries. For instance, before King of Fighters fell into the bizarre, pointless world of the NESTS saga, the Orochi saga managed to not only set the story up remarkably well but actually end it well with the final battle against the eponymous demon himself. Let's hope BlazBlue can get this way and not take 4-5 revisions to get there.

-Trakdown

Gundam 0083: Stardust Memories

Yep, that's a colony being dropped. Original it ain't.

As requested of me by House of Pain, I am jumping around (though in defiance, I am remaining seated) a bit here. Truth is, I'm still trying to decide whether or not I want to watch the first Gundam as a Series or a 3pack of movies. On the one hand, it's quicker to watch the movies, on the other, there's the f'n Gundam Hammer, which was cool enough to feature in Gundam Battle Assault 2. Tough one.

This lead me to instead watch a series that had intrigued me when I saw it on Adult Swim- The OVA series known to me as Gundam 0083.

I didn't really know what to expect from this one, and I still don't really know what I think of it. I do like it, but there's a lot of "yes, but" sentences that have to come out.

Where to begin? Well, first off, the art is pretty damn amazing, enough to be wallscroll worthy for me. Granted, I didn't get the exact wallscroll I wanted, but at least they exist. For a 90's anime, it's really sharp and well animated to boot.

Yes, but there's a problem (told ya). While human beings actually look the part in this series, the Gundams start out being well-designed, if not bland, and then...well, just look.

Hey kids, can you spot the Gundam in the Dendrobium Orchis?

Yeah. We start of with the nice one up top and then move to this monstrosity. I have to wonder how much fucking mercury is in the water fountains at Anaheim Electronics for them to come up with this beast. It's basically an arsenal that also houses a Gundam. And that long, straw-looking apparatus? That's the stamen. Check that one out in your dictionary/biology books for a cheap laugh.

As for Zeon, they actually jack the GP-02A (The bigger Gundam with the boosters and the bazooka), which is good because most of their stuff seems to be left over from the One Year War.
And because it sets up the very first instance of hot Gundam-on-Gundam action (the good kind, not the DeviantArt kind) which is awesome. I'll even give them props for the Neue Ziel, a way-too-big extender class Super Robot that's actually kinda cool.

Gundam battles in this series are a bit easier to stomach than others; if a Gundam goes into a battle ill-equipped, it will get fucked up- no gods here, just machinery and tactics. Granted, this leads to some shenanigans in one of the characters deaths, but at least there are rules. It also helps that this is an OVA, as it's significantly less drawn out than other series would be.

Character wise, it's a very mixed bag, especially depending on what you know about the UC thus far. But even if you don't know anything, you'll soon realize this: Kou Uraki is so dense I'm surprised he hasn't collapsed into himself. This guy takes "rookie" to levels not seen again until ZZ Gundam, and even Judau hammed it up a bit and made it funny. Sure, Kou gets "better", but along with this improvement, he develops an incessant need to yell every 5 goddamned seconds.

"GATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *breath* OOOOOOO!!!"

I get that the point is to show how far behind Zeon's military the Feddies are, but Kou takes idiot savant and capitalizes the hell out of the "idiot" part. He still gets the job done, but he's kinda 'meh' on my list of Gundam pilots- he's there because somebody has to pilot the damn thing.

However, this series does bring along a very memorable character in Anavel Gato, an ace pilot who survived the One Year War. Gato's a hell of a loyal soldier and a damn good pilot, and boy does he stick out. The difference between him and Kou is best emphasized by this scene: After lecturing Kou about principles (or something), Kou says "Yes, sir" and Gato has to verbally remind Kou that he's playing the part of Kou's enemy. All this during a battle. Gato's one of the few people in all of the UC who actually sticks to his principles. Also, he manages to avoid going out like a bitch, which is more than I can say for Char.

The other characters are more minor, though I will say that Nina Purpleton went from being fairly harmless to airlock fodder in a hurry. She's no Flay Allster, but there's a few things that make me generally want to do without her. Like the fact that she can't get over a guy, even though he ditched her on the goddamn moon. Others, like Cima Girahau, were mere annoyances until I read her backstory (check wikipedia). Oh, and South Burning? Yeah, that's a weird name, even in the Gundam universe, but the man bitchslapped an Ensign clear across a repair bay and would have to be played by Clint Eastwood if this ever went live action. He's that badass.

VERDICT: Iffy. I would give it a try, even if you haven't watched the rest of the UC stuff (continuity goes from MS Gundam->Zeta Gundam anywho), as the art's splendid, and there are some truly great characters here, as well as a decent story. It's more mature, and it might be worth a spin just for the fact that there's people over the age of 15 piloting a Gundam. However, there's also a great deal of stupid and some really, really bad Gundam designs. Just a heads up.

Gamer Fail: Memory card not found.

Literally.

Somehow, in the act of moving, I came up short a PS2 memory card. :( Thank god for Ebay.

GATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Yep, Gundam 0083 review coming soon.

Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex -- Review

"Sorry to knock your ass on the ground, but we said NO PHOTOS."

I don't know why I never really got into the GITS movies. I mean, I watched the 2nd one all the way through, and was kinda "meh" about the whole affair. Too much talking, and of the worst kind- incessant quoting of philosophers. But the first one...well, let's just say it's never a good time coming in on the scene where Motoko's trying to pop the hatch on a tank and she rips her own arms out of her own goddamn sockets. This is especially haunting to somebody who was 12 at the time, and whose idea of hyper-violence was Robocop and the scene where Alex Murphy gets mutilated by gunfire. Still, that was the baddies jacking up the good guy. Seeing somebody do that to themselves without knowing that it's perfectly okay for them to do so was a mindjob.

Fast forward to this year. I'm at a friend's house, mixing a few drinks. No longer a lightweight in anime and never a lightweight in the alcohol department, I could probably handle GITS if I watched it again. After all, Paranoia Agent makes sense to me now, and if that didn't turn my brain into tapioca then I could hang, right?

So, a few friends decide they want to show me Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex. I had been meaning to check it out, as it seemed like it was a little more action and might be easier on the palate. I had seen the PS2 game, which looked awesome, and brief shots of the anime at various other events.

We watched a few episodes, and I finally got to understand a logo I had seen all over the internet: that of the "Laughing Man" (Warai Otoko, for my fellow sub watchers).

That's one happy logo, which of course means CREEPY.

It was over. I was hooked. Upon returning to my lair, I have since watched and processed the whole thing.

To begin, a warning to all those watching this after watching the movies: This is a whole 'nother universe. The characters are the same in look, but it's a completely different storyline. Also, while there's some philosophical meandering, it's sparse and spread out over the length of 26 episodes, so it's not nearly as thick as the absolute miasma of tripe spat out in GITS 2.

Characters: A nice, diverse cast that honestly doesn't require you to know much about them. Sure, we delve into Batou's past a bit now and then, but this isn't a series that you watch because of the amazingly deep backstory- the characters actually play themselves out well enough as you go along that you can still get interested in them. You know what you need to know: They're Public Security Sector 9. They're elite. And the individual agents have their story told as it goes along, in a way that's subtle enough to keep interest yet deep enough to not asking for more, with the possible exception of the Major herself.

The Major can also faithfully recreate the opening to .hack//sign.

Downsides are minimal, though I will say that I hope you like the Major and Batou, since they are the focus. Also, the Tachikomas - spider-like mecha with childlike A.I. programs and voices to match - can either be an awesome addition to the series or serious kawaii overkill. I mean, they get their own episode and an Omake series? All this for what basically amounts to an overgrown Haro?

Music: Like Yoko Kanno? Of course you do. This is a very, very well done soundtrack; as good as Yuki Kajiura's works, and maybe even a bit better coordinated. Highly recommended.

Art: Sure, it's a little dated now since the advent of HD anime, but it's still very, very good and extremely well animated. The CGI isn't as intrusive as it is in some other works (glares at Appleseed) and the world of the future looks pretty good, especially for what could be considered a dystopia.

The cutest spider-like assault walker mech EVER!!

VA/Seiyuu: Good on both sides - Some might actually prefer the dub, which I can understand. Anytime you've got Richard Epcar on the cast, good things happen.

Setting: One of the greatest strengths of this anime is that the world of 2032 isn't presented as being a completely different world. A lot of the technology that is present is most certainly not out of the realm of possibilities (the whole "ghost" thing notwithstanding), and it helps to engage the viewer.

Pacing: Flawed in the best way possible. The main storyline (aka Complex) is so well told that it creates a slight intolerance for the side stories (aka Stand Alone) because you want to see what's happening in the main case. Not that the Stand Alone part is boring; it's certainly above most anime filler, and the series does you a huge favor and saves you the trouble of a recap episode. The problem here is that there's quite the variance in how interesting the Stand Alone episodes are, especially when they feature the Tachikomas. It's not bad enough to turn off most viewers (and again, the main story hooks most people), but it can be a bit uneven, as at one point there's a string of 7 or so episodes before you get back to the Complex.

I can't help but recommend this series, because it does so many things very, very well. It's a cyberpunk action police drama with serious philosophical overtones. Smart, but violent. Cute, but brutal. It's equally enriched by what's obvious and what's implied. Even the fanservice is done right- it's blunt enough, but it's also joked about somewhat in the series, making it laughable to those who don't want it and enjoyable to those who do. I could easily see this being that anime- the one that takes the viewer who only knows Naruto, DBZ and maybe a few Miyazaki flicks and gets them involved into something with a bit more involved.

Verdict: HEAVILY recommended. There's few series out there that I consider sitting through more than once, but this is definitely one of them.

Thematic Interpretation: The Music of Gundam, round 1.

Reading through my Gundam X review/Gundam Wing Sucks post, I realize I forgot to comment on the music for the Gundam Franchise. I'll do a few at a time, since I'm still plowing through some of them.

Note: There's no order to these; I'm simply grading them individually.

Tobe! Gundamu! (Fly! Gundam!) - From Mobile Suit Gundam

The very first Gundam theme, ever. And it shows.

For this song, as with any review you read of MS Gundam, you have to keep in mind it came out a long, loooong damn time ago. As in, before I was born. Yep, that "79" isn't just for the Universal Century.

The song itself is indicative of the time when the anime came out, carrying a lot of thematic similarties to Lupin the 3rd's opening them (disco/funk feel, name of the franchise repeated). The lyrics are incredibly simplistic, playing more like a High School's fight song (The Fighting Gundams!). Just look at the translated lyrics:



Also of interest, since this is the first anybody ever saw of the series, you'll note that the pronunciation of "Gundam" is "Gundamu", which is actually what the romanji spells out. Also, to my knowledge, it's one of only two Gundam Openings that actually use the word "Gundam" or the title of the series, the other being G Gundam.

VERDICT: I like this song now, but it did take quite a while to grow on me. Hit or miss, but give it a listen before throwing it on your iPod.

SIMILAR IN FEEL TO: OP for Lupin the 3rd (Simply called "Rupan Sansei no Teemu"[Theme of Lupin the 3rd]), OP for Zeta Gundam ("Zeta- Toki Wo Koete" [Zeta- Beyond The Time])

THE WINNER - From Gundam 0083: Stardust Memory

This is, IMHO, either the best Gundam opening ever or tied for it. It also shows a bit of age in its late 80's-early nineties rock style), but it also does a great job of engaging the viewer: The video helps, but by itself, the song gets you pumped with a great mix of keyboard, guitar, and even a saxophone for good measure. The video is definitely worth a look however, as it does a good job of applying the music to a fight scene.



The only thing I can really nitpick about The Winner is that it's not any different in message from most of the rest of the Gundam catalog: It's a love song ("I've got a burning love"), but it's not nearly as bad as Gundam 0080: War In The Pocket's Opening.

Verdict: This is one of the best themes I've heard in anime, period. You really should be rocking this on your music player.

Similar in feel to: Nothing else in the Gundam series, with exception to the inferior, but still awesome, Men of Destiny, which is the theme for the back half of 0083 and performed by the same singer. There's also an english version called "Back to Paradise", which sucks - it's much slower, and the vocals are just lacking.

Flying In The Sky - From Mobile Fighter G Gundam

So, you've got an anime that takes itself none-to-seriously (Windmill Gundam? Tequila Gundam, from Neo Mexico?!)- how do you get the audience hyped up for it? Well, you throw in some very easy lyrics, including shouting out the name of not only the anime, but of one of the Gundam's special attacks ("Shining Finger", or as it sounds, "Shining Fingaah!") and including some horrible, horrible engrish ("Bright you now"). Voila.



I can't knock it, though- forget Gundam ZZ, this is the original Gundam comedy. It went places it probably shouldn't have, had all the depth of a shot glass and was still a blast, and the Opening sets the mood rather well. I still listen to Flying In The Sky every now and then, but it can wear on you quickly.

VERDICT: Give it a few spins, as it's a somewhat catchy tune and much, much better than the 2nd OP. I doubt it'll become anybody's favorite, though.

Similar In Feel To: I can see some people saying it sounds like ZZ's "Anime Ja Nai", but other than that, it stands alone pretty well.

More to Come...

When Strategy and Anime Collide

I'm not sure how I got to the point where I had no interest in Valkyria Chronicles- sure, it's a beautiful game, but the point I played up to was pretty asinine.

Then, they give you units and it becomes a legit Strategy game. Sure, it's still almost as menu driven as the Genesis' Shining Force and its offspring, but the combat's freakin' awesome. Basically, instead of clicking on a unit and assigning them an action, you control them in a 3rd-person view. You have status effects, classes and orders (basically, support spells cast by your leader) to consider, as does your enemy. In other words, it takes what I knew to be a strategy game and gives it a further push.

Now, the downside: The presentation is done storybook style, giving you selectable chapters. The problem is that often, you're just clicking on a movie file, watching a story, and then...clicking on the next one. So far, each page (when I said storybook, I meant it) has contained at most one battle scene and 3-4 movies. I'm happy to go along with the story, but not if it means clicking on a file, waiting for an all-too-long loading screen, watching the story and then repeating the process until I get thrown into one. And unfortunately, even some of your menu screens have characters that TALK TOO FUCKING MUCH.

That being said, it's an immensely enjoyable strategy game with character, and that's good enough to warrant overplay on my part.

BREAKING NEWS: Found out Valkyria 2 is going to be a PSP game. That's actually pretty awesome, as this is a game that would lend itself well to travel.

SF Chronicle's Top 9 list of "the best classic arcade games ever"

"I lol'd"
- Trakdown, Hardcore Gamer since 1984

It really is folly to do a list like this, which is why I was so dismissive of it. First off, doing a proper list is hard, but Street Fighter II is an "honorable mention"? No NBA JAM, Mortal Kombat? Out Run not mentioned?

Oh, and Tron is overrated.

The moral of the story? Review games, but don't make lists. Lists suck.

BlazBlue First Impression: Just Blaz!

I've been trying out BlazBlue for PS3 and so far, enjoying it. However, a few notes:

1) This does NOT play like Guilty Gear, Street Fighter or any other fighter out there. While this is a good thing, don't expect to come in and be great because you knew how to fireball trap with a shoto or were hot shit with Sol Badguy. You will get owned, BAD.

2)That being said, put some time and effort into learning the game. Also, investing in the Limited edition doesn't hurt- you get a blu-ray disc with some hints on it, and they can take you far.

3)I'm digging the DLC that is coming out soon- Bang as Strider Hiryu? SOLD!

4)Tager is fucking BROKEN. WAAAAAAAAYYY too powerful.

All in all, a good time. I'll have to get more experience with it, but it should be fun.

Editor's Note 2- OOps.

Scratch that, my next review will be of the series I just finished: Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex. My apologies to Amuro Ray fans.

Editor's Note: Ranting over

My next review is going to be of the Mobile Suit Gundam (AKA Gundam 0079 or First Gundam or Gundam Origin). It will not start off with a rant against Gundam Wing, though I may still cross-reference if it's suitable.

After War Gundam X: Rules can be fun!

I look back at what introduced me to anime, and quite frankly, I need a paper bag. Thing is, I haven't decided what to do with it. Vomit profusely into it, when I think about what I used to think was awesome? Wear it over my head in shame? Or get it wet and see if the creators of those shows could create meaningful anime to a level that would permeate said sack?

Now, I know. I started with DBZ, and Akira Toriyama is by no means an amateur. Nor is Yoshiyuki "Kill 'Em All" Tomino just because of the existance of tripe like Gundam Wing. But I can't ignore how horribly shallow either of those shows are as a whole.

Wing is especially insipid. Yeah, I liked it at the time, but it was also the 2nd Anime that I watched religiously, and the first moment I saw was literally the series' best. It's not completely useless, as some characters fucked around and actually ended up showcasing depth and backstory (Duo Maxwell). But looking back on it after getting a few more anime viewings under my belt, I see Gundam Wing for what it is: A writer's nightmare.

Studies show that 4 out of 5 Wing pilots are 1-dimensional teenage asshats.

Sans Duo and maybe one or two other people, the character development in Wing is, in a word, ass. Heero Yuy and Trowa Barton are basically bad echoes of each other; one has no character at all, the other has no emotion. Wufei and Quatre have development, but can be summarized succinctly with adjective/noun compounds. Wufei? Jingoistic prick. Quatre? Mopey downer.
You also have the Gundam trademarks - guy in mask and idealistic leader who can't get anybody useful to follow his ideals. In other words, you've largely seen this before.

Then there's the female cast. Lucrezia "Don't use my first name" Noin, whose dialogue consists largely of "Zechs! No!", as if that Char Aznable wannabe were her dog and were about to piss on her rug. Lady Une starts out awesome and then becomes only slightly more meaningful than the show's truly useless character: Relena Peacecraft, a perpetual (and at this point, professional) hostage. I'll spare you the sermon on her, but let's just say that she makes Gundam 0083's Nina Purpleton look like Revy from Black Lagoon.

And of course, you have the Gundams, which in this case, start out taking some damage and evolve into godlike monoliths of technology. By the time you get to watching the Gundam Wing Movie (Endless Waltz), these things are invincible in ways only bested by Wolverine, who survived being thrown headlong into the sun. Even worse, the designs, while pretty, made no sense. I don't care if you're in an AU series or a UC series, your Gundam should not fucking molt.

I'm sure those useless-in-space wings are purely tactical. What is this, Air?

So, I decided to check out some of the other AU series to see if I can rinse the taste out of my mouth. After playing a little Gundam Vs. Gundam on my PSP, I became intrigued enough to check out After War: Gundam X.

And what an improvement it was.

Don't let the fanny pack fool you. THIS 15 year old is f'n awesome.

I don't want to spoil it to much, because you really need to see it for yourself, but it does so much right. The only complaint I can register thus far is that the arc structure and pacing are a little odd. Story arcs have very clearly defined ends, but since many are very short (4-5 eps per), it can seem somewhat sudden when it's time to move on to a new one.

However, the story here is excellent. In a "What if...?" take on one of the most prevalent horrors of the UC storyline, this one actually takes place after ALL the colonies in space get dropped on earth, killing off 90% of the planet's population. Thankfully, this story is written well enough to properly showcase a post-apocalyptic world in the Gundam universe without going into the same territory as say, for instance, Hokuto No Ken. Things are bad on earth, but it's not Thunderdome yet; instead, people are trying to cope and live under these circumstances.

Character development is awesome in this series, especially considering it's largely working with character types that we've seen before in other Gundam series. Garrod Ran is yet another teenage Gundam Pilot, but he's a believable 15 year old who's had to grow up somewhat quickly. Unlike the emotionless Heero Yuy or the angst-ridden Amuro Ray, Garrod's character gains dimension and depth because his character actually changes over time in response to the world he inhabits. He adapts, and in the event that he is a knucklehead, it's believeable because of his age and he ends up learning from it.

This is really about as tender a moment as these two share.

That quality of extra dimension permeates throughout the rest of the cast. None of the characters in this series end the same way they started, and yet everbody plays their role. I can't think of anybody in this series I really could do without- it's that well written. The plot, by Gundam standards, is very plausible and explained well enough over time to keep you hooked. Even the love story, which is where most UC stories get sappy and maudlin, is done well enough that it doesn't intrude into what's going on.

But what really helps drive this series home is that there are rules to this universe. While Gundams are still the top of the food chain, they are very much vulnerable. Further, none of the pilots are perfect, and that ends up affecting the situations they find themselves in. Air Master, for instance, is not seaworthy- this actually makes a difference. One pilot is a manufactured newtype, and that comes into play in many ways during his battle. There are no gods here- just Gundams and pilots, strenghts and weaknesses. Even the "mega" weapons have limitations, and while I'm usually against such things even existing since they almost always lead to David V. Goliath, it's another story element done well enough that it doesn't water down the overall product.

So, why compare it to Wing? Well, I'll be honest. It's kind of a grudge thing. See, Gundam X was cut short so that Tomino could focus on Endless Waltz. The series still got an ending, but you can tell that it was kind of getting rushed. Between the two series, Wing got the huge fanbase, the movie, and metric tons of merchandise including dozens of wallscrolls. Meanwhile, Gundam X gets chastised because it got cancelled and I'm currently in possession of a copy of the one wallscroll design they make for the series.

Hopefully, this is starting to turn around. Garrod, Tiffa and the GX are starting to appear in more and more games, and word's getting around that this is a great series. And it is. Look, I understand that between Gundam Wing and Gundam Seed, we're probably going to have to deal with teeny-boppers piloting these things at one point or another. But between Garrod Ran, Heero Yuy and Kira Yamato, I'll take the "oldtype" that can hijack a mobile suit with a 9mm.

Final Verdict: Every review I've read of this Anime has very minor complaints at best. There's a reason for that. Watch it, enjoy it.

Got 17 Grand? Why not get a demo or 3?

http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-12218-Providence-Video-Game-Examiner~y2009m7d7-Man-Buys-17500-NES-Game

An NES Game worth $17,500? In the words of Penny Arcade's Johnathan Gabriel, "Is it? IS IT FUCKING REALLY?"

For those who'd rather stay here, Chumpstain McRichfuck here bought a game cartridge that was used at the Nintendo World Championships. You get all of 6 minutes of playtime. Got that? You play Mario for a bit, you play Rad Racer for a bit, and then you play Tetris for a bit. I think that says just as much about what Nintendo considered "champion-worthy" back in the day. It's not even "Who can get the furthest in X amount of time"- It's just a simple set of goals.

And I know this guy isn't going to play this thing, but that's even worse. $17.5 grand could do so much more, especially in the realm of gaming.