God damn, we're bored.

I admit, I looked up the internet term "planking" with full knowledge that it could be something very, very disgusting. This is the internet, after all, and people are sick fucks. So you can imagine my relief when I found this:

This is the extent of the damage. Well, for the "offensive" part...which is taken over by how utterly goddamn retarded this is. Because that's all there is to this: lie down, stiff as a board, in an unusual place. Congratulations!(?) You're now planking, or playing the "lying down game". Anybody else guessing this was conceived with a bong hit and a case of the giggles?

I've also heard this called "Parkour for those who don't give a fuck" which is like calling taking a nap "breakdancing for those who don't give a fuck". Parkour (or free-running) looks like this:

Sad thing is, both of these pictures could be animated and this page would look exactly the fucking same.

Bottom line: Plankers are open goddamn game. You don't get to do something this fucking retarded and live to tell about it. You see someone planking, it's practically an invite. And since this "activity" is defended as a fad, I have a few ideas...er, fads...that could catch on.

* Parking - When you see a bunch of people planking in the road, get in your car and drive on top of them, then put the car in park.

* Prawning - Get a nice, big bucket of prawns and pour it all over the planker. Bonus points multiply based on the age of the prawns and how long they've been in the sun.

* Pawning - Find a planker, steal his wallet and head to the nearest pawn shop. You can figure out the rest from here.

* Pushing - Self explanatory. Good for those risk takers who think they're X Games athletes for doing this in an unsafe place, like near a body of water or at a high altitude.

* Planking, the revenge - Get a 2x4, find a planker, wind up with a good swing aimed towards the spine and see how hardcore they really are.

* Punishing - Wild card.

Sorry folks, but this is pretty much the end game for us. We're basically out of ideas if these asshats can actually deign to quantify this horseshit as "an activity".