You Know What's Bullshit? Penny Arcade.

Well, that will save me some time three times a week.

I really used to love Penny Arcade, really I did. I still have my Black Mantle hoodie, a reminder of a time when they used to be actually kind of funny. Matter of fact, "I hope you like text" is still one of the greatest laughs I've ever had.

That was almost 5 years ago.

Now, I don't take the whole PSN being down mess as a personal affront any more than I do Netflix having intermittent server outages, or the Amazon's recent cloud server mess. I just say "WTF?! SONY FIX THIS SHIT!" - and I say it only once - and then I go about my day. Turns out there are still games out there that have deep enough single player modes that you can kill some time with them. Also, I have a full-time job and school, so it's not like I don't have stuff to do. Nor am I offended because of any "zomg How dare you insult my console of choice?" I've heard all the criticisms before, some valid, others not, so I've learned to tune it out.

But there's some remarkably unfunny shit here, and I don't mean "it offends me"...I mean the jokes fall flat. They've now made a T-shirt to commemorate this event, because for some reason I still haven't fathomed, this one is special. They've officially commented on this more than they have on the RROD or E72 errors of the Xbox 360 and the YLOD of the PS3. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm don't occupy that wavelength where paperweights are still better than systems that are temporarily without online. Probably because that doesn't make any goddamn sense.

The t-shirt though...let me put it this way: If you're going to tell the same joke for a week straight, it had better be fucking hilarious. If you're going to make merchandise based on that joke? I don't even know how you would come to that point. Even if you thought the Kevin Butler ads were annoying affronts to your sense of aesthetic, wouldn't you kind of just ignore them after a point?

What is funny, however, is seeing whoever's bought this shirt having to explain it later.

"Dude...what is your shirt about? I don't get it."
"Oh, it's hilarious...PlayStation Network was down for about a week and a half, and this was their ad campaign at the time, so it's like we were sticking it to Sony! HAHAHAHA!"
*cue uncomfortable silence and funny looks*


Even worse, their incessant need to talk about this showcases their fall even more for me. I've never demanded PA be refined, distinguished gentlemen every step of the way, nor have I demanded every comic be pants-pissingly hilarious. But over the years, it's just become more and more apparent that we're not speaking the same language. I don't get their logic, and some of their attitudes for gaming are so retarded they take compact buses to school. Paying $120 for Final Fantasy XIII. Praising Kinect because of unofficial applications - many of which they'll never get to touch - or because their wives like it (...the fuck?). And again, the double standards.

Turns out, a long last, these guys are just two more gamers who ride into trollsville every now and then. I applaud the good they've done for the industry at large, but I don't need to read this any more. Their writing's gone way downhill, the art's starting to suck, and I can read this fanboy bullshit on every other website on the net.

Now, back to talking about games.

Post-Unboxing video!

Portal Kombat has begun!

Unboxing video for MK Tourney Edition is uploading to YouTube as we speak, and I have to say, I was impressed with what I got. Check the video to see more.

I could've done one for Portal 2 as well, but to be honest, it was just the game. And trust me, I plan on doing a vid review for that as soon as I've played it. I'm hearing it's not that long a game - roughly 5-6 hours each mode - but lord knows I'll play it more than once. Not only that, I still have Killzone 3 to log time on. So all in all, I'll be keeping busy.

One thing I will have to say is that both of the studios involved in these games - Netherrealm and Valve - both did a great job of catering to their fanbase just through the development process via Twitter and the ARG. I know I gave Valve a ration of shit for Portal 2's ARG kinda falling apart at the end, but it turns out, the prizes were pretty damn good for those involved. And I'm sure that they're taking notes about what to do better next time. Both games have been reviewing very well, though MK has gotten knocked a bit for Online play not being up to snuff. I hope that gets fixed, but I gotta wonder....why the hell is it that nobody seems to be getting into BlazBlue territory with quality netcode? I'm also seeing some trophies that are flat ass wrong. Finishing an arcade ladder on the highest difficulty without using a continue is a fucking bronze?!?!? Are you kidding me? And some are just insane. Mastering one character is a reasonable request; it takes 24 logged hours with that character, performing all of their fatalities and getting all their unlocks. However, there's also one that requires you to master all the characters. Hope you're free for the next goddamned year.

I really only got a taste of what's there tonight, and indeed, I haven't even played online yet. Tomorrow will be a much more in-depth sampling of what MK has to offer. But for now, there's one thing I can already tell Ed Boon and company: I forgive you for Armageddon. Now you just need to make up for hiring Bloodstorm's character design artist.

-Trakdown

Guns, Razors, Knives

Holy hell, I've neglected this. Oh, and PORTAL KOMBAT!!

Just goes to show you what can happen when you're taking a full load of classes, preparing for two consecutive looooooong trips and what not.

- Moon Diver. Good idea. Bad execution. Everybody wants to play multi-player Strider with RPG Elements. Nobody wants to play multi-player Strider with RPG elements if one of those elements is a slash limit. It's like if your attack button stopped working every 4th slash or so. Part of what made Strider so awesome was how seamless it was...you only stopped for cutscenes. Now, you also stop for special attacks, which have a fucking unnecessary animation where time stops on the screen. Even worse, if another character is trying to link an attack and you're trying to use a magic skill, it can prevent you from doing so and keep you standing there helpless. Again, good idea, needs improvement.

Also, the story makes no goddamn sense whatsoever. AND FUCK THE LASERS.

- Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 needs some work, STAT. Character cast is meh, balance is fucking gone, online needs an overhaul and options are inexcusably limited. Capcom's already talking about a "super" version, which is something I actually cheered the Vs. series for avoiding up until now.

And sadly, if Hiryu's in it....I'll be picking it up like the consumer whore that I am. Still, 'tis bullshit.

- Today was my first experience with Games for Windows Live, as it's part of Red Faction: Guerilla, a game I'm getting into fairly late d/t not having a big enough drive for all of my Steam games (I've since rectified this).

Let's just say the last time something that unholy and uncooperative appeared, the Ghostbusters had to defeat it by crossing the streams.

- Portal 2 is either out or coming out on Tuesday, depending on:
A)your ability/desire to pirate games

B)your local gaming shop deciding whether or not street dates mean anything.

It may also come out earlier than Tuesday but later than now, depending on the ARG they have going at ApSci's website. Though to be fair, they kinda fumbled the ball in the redzone on this one. Buying/playing a bunch of indie games is great exposure for the indie devs and their products, and it's nice of Valve to try to help them out, but this might have been a bridge too far after a long, drawn out ARG that already took a ton of effort to get any deciphering done. You can't go from "exciting scavenger hunt" to "okay, um....play these games", which most people have taken to be just leaving them open and idling. When you get within a 4 day window of things, it's kind of a moot point, especially when thousands upon thousands of people playing these things has generated a drop of exactly 1 hour early. This is further compounded by the problem that an early release would not be for any copy other than the one on Steam, meaning Console/PC hybrid guys like me are content to wait.

Still, the hidden song "The Device Has Been Modified" was a blast to hear on Audiosurf. I have no doubts that Portal 2 is still going to be awesome, so it's not a big deal that this kind of fell apart on them.

- Pirates and lucky pricks have also been enjoying the new MK early, and thankfully, most spoilers that I've read are fairly innocuous, the biggest one thus far being that Babalities are back. Apparently these each have their own animation, so it could be more welcome than it was before. It may also lead to the return of friendships, which would certainly brighten my day.

The other good news that I just now read about is that Klassic Kostumes are indeed available in the Krypt. Now, I'll be starting off with Ermac and Reptile (Amazon Touney Edition), but it's nice to know I can grab the others. Unfortunately, these are hidden somewhere in the damnable abomination - and I mean that with love - known as the Krypt, which is where you spend Koins on whatever the fuck happens to be in a coffin. Sometimes you get awesome stuff (Kharacters, stages, videos), sometimes you get fucking vapor. As in not-a-goddamned thing. And yet, it's an addicting experience. I guess I just like new stuff. Speaking of which...

- The rumors about "Project Cafe", aka Nintendo's next endeavor, aren't exactly making me giddy with anticipation. Again, Hardware has never been Ninty's problem so long as they weren't asking you to stare at a red screen. I'm intrigued to see what they got, but not expecting anything ground breaking.

- Next update...will be somewhere else.