I shouldn't have brought this back up

http://www.retrojunk.com/details_commercial/2099/

Watch that. I'm sorry in advance.

Also in advance: Be sure to be in a county with no sharp objects. And I mean, nothing sharp at all. Basically, if it's sharper than a puddle of milk, you need to be at least a 3 hour flight away. A bar of Laffy Taffy, I promise you, it will still end up embedded in your skull and piercing your temple if it's within driving distance.

Need it clearer? Here ya go.

I think this is it. The actual end of human sanity.

Fuck H.R. Giger. Fuck H.P. Lovecraft. Fuck FLCL, fuck Paranoia Agent, fuck all of it.

This is without a doubt, bar none, the single most fucked up thing that's ever been created. Ever. This is the only thing that would ever drive Cthulu mad. This is what Popsicle Pete sees in his nightmares. I would rather leave Marida Cruz to her eternal cycle of being raped and forced to abort her rapechild than subject her to this.

That being said...WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS GODDAMN THING?!!?!! WHO CAME UP WITH IT? HOW IS THIS SUPPOSED TO GET ME TO WATCH MORE CARTOONS?!

I mean, I can't even identify what most of the fucking entities in whatever cursed dimension this is supposed to be are fucking called, and then there's some cone shaped thing with swirls for eyes speaking some language that has never existed....WHAT THE FUCK IS IT SAYING? WHY IS IT TALKING?? ARRRGGGHHGHEKJAS:GNOPABGUIOJIODGHOQEBT#(*)U$*(HUIO:BNBJKB

I swear to god, I'm going to end up in an ER with a philips head screwdriver embedded in my temple and a blissful look in my face. I hope you're happy, CBS. Do me a favor: Let me know what haunted antique store you bought that goddamn paint can from. I want to kill whatever ancient, evil, bastard child of David Lo Pan and Imhotep (The invisible one from Look Around You, not from The Mummy) is the proprietor of that place. Actually, scratch that. I want to find room 1408 and throw his ass in there with the goddamn paint can, so that existence may end and I can get the sleep I will be denied for the rest of my days.

GAHAHHHAHHAHHHAHAHAH.

So yeah, Girl Gamers.

Not sure what it is about tonight, but so far I've run across two articles on Kotaku about women in gaming. Figured I'd weigh in, though I obviously lack the equipment to talk about it firsthand.

Growing up, gaming wasn't something a whole lot of girls talked about, or talked about doing - it was mostly guys doing it, and there was very much a slant towards the male audience. Is it strange? Not to me...I've known plenty of female gamers in my time, and while they didn't play everything I played, they had their own library of games that had plenty of overlap with mine. It's been interesting to see the evolution of things, especially when I think back to what was the beginning for most of us: Super Mario Bros. or Donkey Kong. In both games, the woman was the goal, and boy was that common. Double Dragon, Final Fight, Rolling Thunder, Rough Ranger, Ghosts N Goblins, Ghouls N Ghosts, Legend Of Zelda...you get the idea.

Now, maybe I'm just not that guy that thinks a woman is a prize to be earned. Or maybe I just bore easy. But this formula really got played out, and it stopped making sense to merely equate women in games to a goal. I always point to Marian from Double Dragon and Princess Peach/Toadstool from Super Mario Bros. as a way to get across my point: Both of them were pretty awesome when they got involved in the game, be it chucking veggies at Shyguys or doing something other than being kidnapped or destroyed by gunfire (Ed. Note: Not cool, Willy.) I feel the same way with female gamers, though I certainly don't want them to feel like they're on a pedestal. I just never saw any reason why they should exempt themselves from the game - if anything, I wish they would've been more into the stuff I liked rather than some of the more girl oriented titles. Heck, maybe they were, and I just wasn't there for it.

So we go from there to now, and I think we've thus far seen women in all sorts of roles. And granted, there is some over-sexualization of the female form in video games, and there always will be. Just like there is in magazines, television, movies, songs, poetry and every other form of expression under the sun. Sorry girls, but part of our wiring - in some cases, a dominant form of our wiring - is wanting to have sex with you. That's kind of how we make kids, and it's primal. Unfortunately, it also works for marketing, especially when your audience is composed of adolescents and you're trying to get them to put Modern Warfare down for a minute to take a look at your product.

(By the way, you'll notice I've left Japan out. That's because I really don't have an explanation for that stuff. I'm not offended by it, but damn...they love them some fanservice.)

Now, do feminist gamers have a point that they are being given unrealistic representation in the medium? Sure! Here's the thing: So are men. Trust me, not all of us want to be grim, gristled space-marines or grim, gristled modern marines. Shit, some of us would be okay with being a character that didn't pack heat once in a while. I personally have had more fun being a high-tech ninja or a clumsy galaxy-saving janitor. But the bottom line for me is, this stuff is fantasy. I don't want to be represented in a video game. I have to deal with being Jonas all day, every day. I am not a murderous, testosterone cocktail of a Spartan who cuts through Gods like butter, but it sure is fun to pick up God of War and control one for a while.

And again! Not a woman here. But I do remember how women used to be represented in games, and I can compare them to now and see a world of difference. Sure, Cammy's ass gets a little too much attention, but she can also throttle you (Ed. Note: Send all your mail about tiers to whocares@gmail.com). Fighting games used to be limited to one girl, now there's several, and they aren't all trying to seduce you.

Finally, here's a little secret from the guys, and I'm sure you girls know this already: A game can be dripping with sexpots like Ivy in Soul Calibur, or Cammy in Street Fighter. It can be full of naughty co-eds, like Night Trap. And you know something? Most of us won't give 1/10th of a shit if there's no game there. There are games out there that are fanservice galore, games where Mai Shiranui would look Amish, and nobody buys them because they suck. It's what I call the TimeKillers/Bloodstorm rule: I don't care how many people's heads I can cut off, or how realistic you can draw the entrails of the person I just de-legged, or how much jiggle the girls have or how many suggestive poses or sayings they can rifle off: if your game sucks ass, you can keep it. It's the same reason you don't see any forums talking about Harvester as a masterpiece or lines out the door in Akihabara for GalGun.

And that's part of the reason I loved reading Leigh Alexander's article. I'm glad that she just wants to be a gamer and wants people to be polite. See, girls, the same asshole who's typing "TITS OR GTFO" was just moments ago calling me a multiple racial slur because I sniped him. Welcome to online gaming, AKA "Hmm....Maybe a single-player RPG would be better." The crime here isn't one exclusively of being sexist, the crime is being a colossal loudmouth douche hiding behind anonymity. If any other disease spread as fast as that social one, we'd all be dead by now.

So that's where I stand: I'm glad you game, and I hope you enjoy doing so. Don't really care that you're a woman, though - I thought the whole point was that such a thing was inconsequential.

Fast Trak - Cause I'm Tired

* Well whadd'ya know, the Playstation Vita is only $249.99. $299.99 if you want 3G, which I might depending on how I pay for it. It looks banging too. I would complain about the lack of video out, but dat OLED screen...

* More and more remasters coming out. Good thing with a few bad connotations, I guess. I'll know more when I actually grab one other than God of War Collection. I'm in for all Konami's remasters, Tekken Hybrid and Monster Hunter, provided it's coming out here. Shagohod chase in 3D, here I come!

* Beyond Good and Evil HD is FINALLY out for PSN, and I'll be grabbing it shortly. Anything to help push for the sequel, though it's apparently not coming out this generation.

* I'll be getting back to my Hot Shots Golf ways very, very soon. The PSV version is looking incredible, and they're updating OOB to have Move + 3D support. Speaking of those two items...

* That's also how I'll be enjoying Child Of Eden when it comes to PS3. Mizuguchi's already talking about PS3 exclusive content. I'd be okay with it just being 3d + Move, but I don't think that's very good use of the Blu-Ray. Maybe throw in Rez HD since we didn't get it yet on PSN. Just a thought.

* For those who think DNF is a disappointment: NO FUCKING KIDDING IT SUCKED. What did you expect?! The Duke Nukem idea was novel back in the day, by which I mean 1996. And it got worked on by a different team. The whole novelty of this point was to release a game that apparently couldn't be released 15 years after its predecessor. Try this with Starcraft: Ghost and you'll get the same result.

If you're still not getting it, here's how you can tell how much of a product of a bygone era Duke Nukem was: DN3D didn't support TCP/IP. It used IPX exclusively. Rattle that around for a bit, and move on.

* Mortal Kombat's had some serious issues so far, but apparently they've got the online "fixed" now. Also, Skarlet's available with Rain and Kenshi incoming. There's also another one to be revealed...can't imagine who at this point, but it should be interesting.

* More later after sleep.

-Trakdown

God damn, we're bored.

I admit, I looked up the internet term "planking" with full knowledge that it could be something very, very disgusting. This is the internet, after all, and people are sick fucks. So you can imagine my relief when I found this:

This is the extent of the damage. Well, for the "offensive" part...which is taken over by how utterly goddamn retarded this is. Because that's all there is to this: lie down, stiff as a board, in an unusual place. Congratulations!(?) You're now planking, or playing the "lying down game". Anybody else guessing this was conceived with a bong hit and a case of the giggles?

I've also heard this called "Parkour for those who don't give a fuck" which is like calling taking a nap "breakdancing for those who don't give a fuck". Parkour (or free-running) looks like this:

Sad thing is, both of these pictures could be animated and this page would look exactly the fucking same.

Bottom line: Plankers are open goddamn game. You don't get to do something this fucking retarded and live to tell about it. You see someone planking, it's practically an invite. And since this "activity" is defended as a fad, I have a few ideas...er, fads...that could catch on.

* Parking - When you see a bunch of people planking in the road, get in your car and drive on top of them, then put the car in park.

* Prawning - Get a nice, big bucket of prawns and pour it all over the planker. Bonus points multiply based on the age of the prawns and how long they've been in the sun.

* Pawning - Find a planker, steal his wallet and head to the nearest pawn shop. You can figure out the rest from here.

* Pushing - Self explanatory. Good for those risk takers who think they're X Games athletes for doing this in an unsafe place, like near a body of water or at a high altitude.

* Planking, the revenge - Get a 2x4, find a planker, wind up with a good swing aimed towards the spine and see how hardcore they really are.

* Punishing - Wild card.

Sorry folks, but this is pretty much the end game for us. We're basically out of ideas if these asshats can actually deign to quantify this horseshit as "an activity".

Can you get financing on Anime?

Look, I'll be the first to admit, I have no earthly idea how much it costs to make Anime. I just know I love the stuff, and if given the chance, I'll gladly buy a boxset. Lately I've had to ask for something a bit more, just because of the advancement of technology. Hi-def? Necessary. 5.1? I can do without, but it's certainly a plus. And with Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex: Solid State Society coming out in 3D, I'm hoping we'll get more anime that lends itself to this as I think it could bring some extra pizazz to certain titles. Spirited Away, for instance: It certainly doesn't need 3D, but some scenes would be absolutely stunning with it implemented.

In my search for Blu-Ray anime, I haven't paid more than about $15-20 for a disc yet. I got a great deal on Evangelion 1.11 - about $11. Even without the discounts you see at Amazon, the ceiling looks to be about 50 or so dollars for either 1/2 a season of anime or one of the movies. Granted, this price is set regardless of the quality of the transfer and there's usually few or no special features, but it's not bad coming from the days when 1 5 episode DVD ran you about 30 bucks.

So honestly, we have it good over here. And I thought for sure that it would be even better in the Land of the Rising Sun (not to be confused with that house in New Orleans), since after all, it's local, right? All they gotta do is put it out there! Even with the exchange rate, there's gotta be some kind of price parity, right?

Holy hell, was I ever wrong.

Let's start with Angel Beats! (their exclamation point, not mine), which even though it's not one of my faves is as good an example as any. It's not out yet in the states, but the Blu-Ray is going for about $46.00 for the complete collection pre-ordered at Amazon. Sure, that's a little high for only 13 episodes, but it's still reasonable for High-def, dual audio anime. Meanwhile, over at cdjapan.co.jp, 1 volume of Angel Beats on DVD is 6000 yen, or $73.08. That whopping chunk of change gets you two whole episodes in standard definition with no subtitles and Japanese audio only. I doubt the Japanese Drama CD and booklet will do much to soothe the pain of dropping just under $75 on this.

But hey, let's do this the right way and compare straight across...as best we can. If we want blu-ray, the price jumps up to $85.26 and you still only get two eps. Yeah, way to use up that extra space on the medium. On top of that, they give you an extra DVD with a making of. WTF?! But keep in mind, this is a 13 episode anime with an OVA bringing it to 14 episodes total- on 7 separate discs as well. So that's a total of 7 Blu-ray releases, which if you total it up comes to just shy of $600 American Dollars - and you haven't even paid for shipping yet!

This isn't just Angel Beats! either. God help you if you're a fan of any of Key's works. Clannad, Clannad: After Story, and Kanon all run over $700 each for the complete blu-ray sets, though thankfully they've decided to actually have box sets for each series, unlike Angel Beats. AIR is a little gentler at $405 USD, but that's still $2500 for all of Key's portfolio. Even worse, that's currently the only way to get the Blu-Ray discs. Stateside, we have AIR on DVD through the S.A.V.E. category of Anime, the whole series going for only $14.99. Unless that Blu-Ray is a 4K re-release, it's not worth that price. The aforementioned Solid State Society 3D Blu-Ray ($150) is the only one I've seen where the price is somewhat justifiable, and even then, I realize I'm mainly buying that because I don't think SSS3D has a chance in hell of seeing release stateside. And if it did, I'd gladly double-dip for the low, low price of $50 - and that might be a high estimate for what I'd pay for it.

I honestly don't get this. Anime is probably not cheap to make, but is it really worth it to price something this damn high? Isn't this overwhelmingly prohibitive? Well, it turns out it is, because anime is either being purchased from us and imported or flat-out pirated, leaving anime studios to recoup their costs through merchandise sales. Guess Yogurt was right after all. But I'm seeing some absolutely blockheaded decisions being made here. Two episodes on a Blu-Ray, when you can fit 6-7 on one in the states? And furthermore, why the hell is a country with an advanced network infrastructure wasting their time and money on printing this stuff? You could easily put this up on a controlled channel for digital distribution. Sure, you'll get pirates, but you have those now. At least with this you can get a better chunk of the pie rather than leaving your customers to decide if they'd rather buy Haruhi on Blu-Ray or vacation in the Bahamas and very rationally going for the latter.

It ultimately comes down to this: The anime industry is contracting, like it or not. Seasons used to be 24 eps, now they're 12, and if a series doesn't push merch or set the world on fire during that time frame, it's not seeing a 2nd one. K-On! and Madoka may be entertaining, but even they aren't worth this insane pricing. It's time to take advantage of the available tech and get this stuff to customers in a reasonable fashion. Either fill those Blu-Rays or get rid of them entirely. Let's get this stuff down to a price that ensures that the market is accessible - there's some awesome stories here, and I'd much rather lose them to people's tastes than their wallets.

You Know What's Bullshit? Penny Arcade.

Well, that will save me some time three times a week.

I really used to love Penny Arcade, really I did. I still have my Black Mantle hoodie, a reminder of a time when they used to be actually kind of funny. Matter of fact, "I hope you like text" is still one of the greatest laughs I've ever had.

That was almost 5 years ago.

Now, I don't take the whole PSN being down mess as a personal affront any more than I do Netflix having intermittent server outages, or the Amazon's recent cloud server mess. I just say "WTF?! SONY FIX THIS SHIT!" - and I say it only once - and then I go about my day. Turns out there are still games out there that have deep enough single player modes that you can kill some time with them. Also, I have a full-time job and school, so it's not like I don't have stuff to do. Nor am I offended because of any "zomg How dare you insult my console of choice?" I've heard all the criticisms before, some valid, others not, so I've learned to tune it out.

But there's some remarkably unfunny shit here, and I don't mean "it offends me"...I mean the jokes fall flat. They've now made a T-shirt to commemorate this event, because for some reason I still haven't fathomed, this one is special. They've officially commented on this more than they have on the RROD or E72 errors of the Xbox 360 and the YLOD of the PS3. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm don't occupy that wavelength where paperweights are still better than systems that are temporarily without online. Probably because that doesn't make any goddamn sense.

The t-shirt though...let me put it this way: If you're going to tell the same joke for a week straight, it had better be fucking hilarious. If you're going to make merchandise based on that joke? I don't even know how you would come to that point. Even if you thought the Kevin Butler ads were annoying affronts to your sense of aesthetic, wouldn't you kind of just ignore them after a point?

What is funny, however, is seeing whoever's bought this shirt having to explain it later.

"Dude...what is your shirt about? I don't get it."
"Oh, it's hilarious...PlayStation Network was down for about a week and a half, and this was their ad campaign at the time, so it's like we were sticking it to Sony! HAHAHAHA!"
*cue uncomfortable silence and funny looks*


Even worse, their incessant need to talk about this showcases their fall even more for me. I've never demanded PA be refined, distinguished gentlemen every step of the way, nor have I demanded every comic be pants-pissingly hilarious. But over the years, it's just become more and more apparent that we're not speaking the same language. I don't get their logic, and some of their attitudes for gaming are so retarded they take compact buses to school. Paying $120 for Final Fantasy XIII. Praising Kinect because of unofficial applications - many of which they'll never get to touch - or because their wives like it (...the fuck?). And again, the double standards.

Turns out, a long last, these guys are just two more gamers who ride into trollsville every now and then. I applaud the good they've done for the industry at large, but I don't need to read this any more. Their writing's gone way downhill, the art's starting to suck, and I can read this fanboy bullshit on every other website on the net.

Now, back to talking about games.

Post-Unboxing video!

Portal Kombat has begun!

Unboxing video for MK Tourney Edition is uploading to YouTube as we speak, and I have to say, I was impressed with what I got. Check the video to see more.

I could've done one for Portal 2 as well, but to be honest, it was just the game. And trust me, I plan on doing a vid review for that as soon as I've played it. I'm hearing it's not that long a game - roughly 5-6 hours each mode - but lord knows I'll play it more than once. Not only that, I still have Killzone 3 to log time on. So all in all, I'll be keeping busy.

One thing I will have to say is that both of the studios involved in these games - Netherrealm and Valve - both did a great job of catering to their fanbase just through the development process via Twitter and the ARG. I know I gave Valve a ration of shit for Portal 2's ARG kinda falling apart at the end, but it turns out, the prizes were pretty damn good for those involved. And I'm sure that they're taking notes about what to do better next time. Both games have been reviewing very well, though MK has gotten knocked a bit for Online play not being up to snuff. I hope that gets fixed, but I gotta wonder....why the hell is it that nobody seems to be getting into BlazBlue territory with quality netcode? I'm also seeing some trophies that are flat ass wrong. Finishing an arcade ladder on the highest difficulty without using a continue is a fucking bronze?!?!? Are you kidding me? And some are just insane. Mastering one character is a reasonable request; it takes 24 logged hours with that character, performing all of their fatalities and getting all their unlocks. However, there's also one that requires you to master all the characters. Hope you're free for the next goddamned year.

I really only got a taste of what's there tonight, and indeed, I haven't even played online yet. Tomorrow will be a much more in-depth sampling of what MK has to offer. But for now, there's one thing I can already tell Ed Boon and company: I forgive you for Armageddon. Now you just need to make up for hiring Bloodstorm's character design artist.

-Trakdown

Guns, Razors, Knives

Holy hell, I've neglected this. Oh, and PORTAL KOMBAT!!

Just goes to show you what can happen when you're taking a full load of classes, preparing for two consecutive looooooong trips and what not.

- Moon Diver. Good idea. Bad execution. Everybody wants to play multi-player Strider with RPG Elements. Nobody wants to play multi-player Strider with RPG elements if one of those elements is a slash limit. It's like if your attack button stopped working every 4th slash or so. Part of what made Strider so awesome was how seamless it was...you only stopped for cutscenes. Now, you also stop for special attacks, which have a fucking unnecessary animation where time stops on the screen. Even worse, if another character is trying to link an attack and you're trying to use a magic skill, it can prevent you from doing so and keep you standing there helpless. Again, good idea, needs improvement.

Also, the story makes no goddamn sense whatsoever. AND FUCK THE LASERS.

- Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 needs some work, STAT. Character cast is meh, balance is fucking gone, online needs an overhaul and options are inexcusably limited. Capcom's already talking about a "super" version, which is something I actually cheered the Vs. series for avoiding up until now.

And sadly, if Hiryu's in it....I'll be picking it up like the consumer whore that I am. Still, 'tis bullshit.

- Today was my first experience with Games for Windows Live, as it's part of Red Faction: Guerilla, a game I'm getting into fairly late d/t not having a big enough drive for all of my Steam games (I've since rectified this).

Let's just say the last time something that unholy and uncooperative appeared, the Ghostbusters had to defeat it by crossing the streams.

- Portal 2 is either out or coming out on Tuesday, depending on:
A)your ability/desire to pirate games

B)your local gaming shop deciding whether or not street dates mean anything.

It may also come out earlier than Tuesday but later than now, depending on the ARG they have going at ApSci's website. Though to be fair, they kinda fumbled the ball in the redzone on this one. Buying/playing a bunch of indie games is great exposure for the indie devs and their products, and it's nice of Valve to try to help them out, but this might have been a bridge too far after a long, drawn out ARG that already took a ton of effort to get any deciphering done. You can't go from "exciting scavenger hunt" to "okay, um....play these games", which most people have taken to be just leaving them open and idling. When you get within a 4 day window of things, it's kind of a moot point, especially when thousands upon thousands of people playing these things has generated a drop of exactly 1 hour early. This is further compounded by the problem that an early release would not be for any copy other than the one on Steam, meaning Console/PC hybrid guys like me are content to wait.

Still, the hidden song "The Device Has Been Modified" was a blast to hear on Audiosurf. I have no doubts that Portal 2 is still going to be awesome, so it's not a big deal that this kind of fell apart on them.

- Pirates and lucky pricks have also been enjoying the new MK early, and thankfully, most spoilers that I've read are fairly innocuous, the biggest one thus far being that Babalities are back. Apparently these each have their own animation, so it could be more welcome than it was before. It may also lead to the return of friendships, which would certainly brighten my day.

The other good news that I just now read about is that Klassic Kostumes are indeed available in the Krypt. Now, I'll be starting off with Ermac and Reptile (Amazon Touney Edition), but it's nice to know I can grab the others. Unfortunately, these are hidden somewhere in the damnable abomination - and I mean that with love - known as the Krypt, which is where you spend Koins on whatever the fuck happens to be in a coffin. Sometimes you get awesome stuff (Kharacters, stages, videos), sometimes you get fucking vapor. As in not-a-goddamned thing. And yet, it's an addicting experience. I guess I just like new stuff. Speaking of which...

- The rumors about "Project Cafe", aka Nintendo's next endeavor, aren't exactly making me giddy with anticipation. Again, Hardware has never been Ninty's problem so long as they weren't asking you to stare at a red screen. I'm intrigued to see what they got, but not expecting anything ground breaking.

- Next update...will be somewhere else.

You Don't Know Trak

Yeah, I'm still excited about it. Even without Gibberish Questions, which they were already kinda sick of doing by the time The Ride dropped, it's still an awesome package. I'm even considering double dipping for the PC version.

Recent news about the NGP - which, I'm wagering is just the codename for Sony's sequel to the PSP - has gotten some the usual launch hysteria. It's a hell of a nice looking device and feature packed to the brim, though it has decided to forgo the 3D route for now. Which is fine by me; 3D is a theater kind of thing. An extra inch or so of depth on a portable isn't exactly something I drool over, but an OLED screen? Awesome.

Of course, this being the internet, I couldn't help but eventually run into some incredibly fucking dumb criticism of this just-now-announced system. One source was from Penny Arcade. PENNY FUCKING ARCADE. Now granted, I don't always think Tycho's on the ball about this stuff. I don't understand how he can get into a furniture-chomping, pants-shitting unholy rage about PlayStation Home - a service which costs nothing and is optional - and merely harrumph about his console of choice having a hardware failure large enough to make it a doorstop. I thought he was down right ill in la cabeza when he decided to buy 2 copies of FFXIII- one for each platform - in some misguided and unnecessary attempt at using his purchase as a vote for multiplatform support.

But this takes the fucking cake.

I really hope they're just joking.

In the event that this is seriously what they thought, let's address the "If they could tell people the price without freaking them out, they would!" nonsense.

The Nintendo 3DS was officially announced as existing on June 15, 2010. The price and release dates were not announced until JANUARY OF THIS GODDAMN YEAR. For the mathematically challenged, that's 6 months plus. So unless Penny Arcade just decided they weren't going to be that hard on Nintendo because of reasons only they know, this is a stupid argument to make. It's a fanboy argument, to be frank.

And hey, I have my own gripes. PR people are not supposed to be responding with questions about price with "It will be affordable." For one, that's not their call, it's ours. For two, that's not all that comforting coming from a man in a dapper suit who makes more in a quarter than I do in a year. "Affordable" can mean a lot of things. College is apparently more affordable than ever, but you're still going to be taking out loans to cover it.

Look, I understand; the NGP is banging. It's loaded with awesome hardware. And for reasons beyond me, people seem to think adding a rear-touchpad is going to be a bank breaker. But could we try to give the hardware that was just announced 4 days ago a little time? There's nothing in those specs that is so space age that this thing has any reason to be all that expensive. And if it is? Don't buy the goddamn thing, and even better, don't even fucking talk about it.

2010 - Welcome, To DIE! (Year in review)

Year end quick notes, since I've got about 50 minutes till the year ends:

• Just finished Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt. Decent series for being weird (this is Gainax, after all), kinda like Powerpuff Girls x Ren and Stimpy. I probably wouldn't give this a repeat viewing, though I will admit I haven't heard the word "fuck" used in Engrish so gratuitously since Air Gear. Short and sweet, awesome soundtrack too!
• Holy hell...I picked up my DJ Hero case, and they mean "case". Thing's heavy and heavy-duty. Look for the video review for this one...
• ...Which will be posted once I get my Sony Bloggie Touch a flexible tripod. I'll be doing a LOT of video this year, though I will still do a write up as well.
• Backlog is still huge, though I did just knock out two anime series in a month. Some day I'll finish AIR and Lucky Star. Game wise, I'll be here awhile.
• THEY NEED TO DO MORE AIR GEAR!!! The Air Gear OVA was awesome, and it made me realize how much I missed this series. It's a great concept with great writing, but for some reason, Ito Ogure can't seem to get this or Tenjou Tenge completed. I blame his studio.
• You Don't Know Jack. 2011. PS3. Eff yeah.
• Pre-ordered Mortal Kombat Tournament Edition. I've never had a legit fight stick before, though I'm looking forward to this one d/t the Happ parts (authentic arcade) and, well, because it'll be an awesome game.
• Looking forward to being able to play games again, got most of them loaded. Probably going to go through Front Mission Evolved.
• Best pickups:

Demon's Soul w/artbook + soundtrack, Resonance of Fate, Resident Evil: Gold Edition w/move support - $20 each.

Deus Ex 1+2, Fear 1 + 2 with ALL DLC - 12 bucks total on Steam.

Guncon 2 Black (Japanese) - $20.

Little Big Planet GOTY edition - 11 bucks.

Big thanks to CheapyD and everyone at cheapassgamer.com for the help in finding some of these deals!

• Gaming fails of the year:

The ending to Snatcher. SUM UP!!!!

Replacing my hard drive on my PS3. Worth it, but man, it was a literal pain.

Strider Hiryu not in MvC3 because "He doesn't fit what we're trying to do with this game. She-Hulk, MODOK and Tron Bonne apparently fit juuuuuuuust fine, but not the most badass futuristic ninja EVER. He had BETTER be DLC.

Retailer-specific fatalities for MK. Granted, it's only a few legacy fatalities, and they'll most likely be available in a bundle later for much cheaper than reserving 3 copies. Still, don't like where this is headed.

DmC. Dante the heroin freak still isn't getting me interested.

Rock Band 3. Don't get me wrong, it's a great game, but buggy as fuck. Sucks to have

a game crash just because you selected a certain song.

• Gaming wins of the year:

The return of the 90s: New MvC, New Mortal Kombat, New Tekken, New Street Fighter, New You Don't Know Jack? Awesome. Now if only NBA Jam wasn't ass.

Kratos in MK. Talk about a natural.

PS Move. Motion control that actually works with core gaming and vice versa.

Kinect. Not for what MS has it doing, but for the other applications that users have been

using it for. Some seriously awesome stuff coming out!

PS2 HD revivals. Great idea, especially looking forward to the Team ICO stuff!

• You know what? I've said too much already. Things are going to pick up steam realllllllllly quickly. Stay tuned for more. 2011 is going to rock!

-Trakdown

Review: Victory Gundam

Well, I'm at a loss here.

I'm not even sure of what to make of Victory Gundam. This won't be a long review, because I'm still processing it.

Indeed it is, Jackie. Indeed it is.

There's really not much in this series that is get-up-out-of-your-seat exciting. There's a few good episodes, but nothing spectacular. It's not ZZ Gundam horrible by any means, but I just kind of feel like Yoshiyuki Tomino turned in an incomplete paper. If it's possible for a 51 episode anime to feel rushed, this would be it. In fact, this kind of feels like a 2nd attempt at F91.

This leads to a lot of things just *happening*. People start getting certain powers for no reason. People lose their goddamned minds with little-to-no reason why. Fuala Griffon starts out as a reasonable, Haman Kahn type commander and returns later as a psychotic version of Chara Soon with an even dumber gimmick: sleigh bells. I'm dead fucking serious.

Speaking of which, part of the reason the series is just so stilted is the amount of 20+ year old women talking to 13-year-old Usso Evin in very sexually suggestive ways. Seriously, this is the least subtle Shotacon anime I've ever seen, and I've watched Mahoromatic. For Christ's sakes, Usso even ends up naked in the bathtub with a female soldier. And to top it off, one of the weapons employed against him near the end?

Scantily clad women.

Yeah, not exactly the satellite cannon duel from Gundam X, is it?

By now, you've noticed that I've not talked about plot much. That's because I can't fucking tell you what it is. I know that the federation has fallen apart, they've fallen victim to the Zanscare Empire, the League Militaire (think AEUG from Zeta) is fighting them and Usso's really good at fighting. Beyond that, details get fuzzy because very little in this anime ever gets an explanation. Katejina Loos, in particular, is completely puzzling as a villain. Best I can figure is that she is stone cold fucking nuts.

Wouldn't be the first time.

So yeah, there's mecha battles, nudity, crazy women and some bizzare shit going on that doesn't explain itself well enough for anyone to really concern themselves with.

Verdict: For completionists only. Like I said, it's not ZZ Gundam bad, but considering that this story really doesn't go anywhere (and is 51 episodes long), I can't really recommend it. I only watched it because I'm a completionist and I wanted to be done with the UC timeline (well, except for Unicorn). While the mech battles are fairly well done, the designs aren't all that hot - the Victory Mk II being an exception- and aren't worth the time investment. The ending is remarkably unsatisfactory as well.

Hard Drive is updated.

Now if only I was awake enough to play. :(

2nd round KO: Trakdown wins, hard drive loses.

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!

Ya miserable fucking cunt piece of shit! >:O

*flings hard drive, smashes window*

I warned ya, PS3. I ain't nobody to fuck wit'. Especially not when I'm packing a $10 set of screw extractors, a pistol grip power drill with high-torque chuck and a high from finishing my classes for the semester.

The item I'm holding in that picture is indeed the PS3's OEM hard drive: An 80gb Seagate Momentus. The hard drive in my hand from the earlier blog is still in the anti-static bag, but once I get the other two screws out (groan) and get replacements that aren't made of Play-doh, I'll be rollin'.

Stay tuned- the saga continues, though not for long.

UPDATE: Other two screws came along quietly. Good for them. Tomorrow I should be back up and running! :D

-Trakdown

Round 2.

Got some screw extractors, and finals are almost over- hopefully tomorrow night will be the end game for both school and my hard drive fight.

A Truly Frustrating Gaming Moment

The item you see above is a 500GB hard drive. This is supposed to be in my PlayStation 3 by now.

Unfortunately, due to an unforeseen afternoon of nearly Sisyphean work , it still lays in its anti-static bag. In electronic stasis, or perhaps a comatose state. This is because Sony used fucking marshmallows and tin to make their goddamned hard drive caddy screws, which are screwed in tight enough that they might as well be welded. This ensures that while the 1/4 inch son-of-a-bitch head of the screw stays firmly in socket, you can carve your name into the goddamn screw-head and strip the fucker because it's made out of taffy. So yeah, it's not for lack of want, I just can't get the stupid screws out to throw the new one in!!

Fuck you, blue screw. I hate you more than Survival Arts. >:(

So, like a good boy (though a dumb one: I should have looked earlier), I checked the internet to find out that this is a very common problem. Also, for solutions I found out that people have had luck using needle nose pliers to rotate the screw enough that it will give. Well, I tried that. Two things happened. For one, I've scraped pretty much all the blue off of the screw. For two...

I've pinched my index finger on my right hand enough to give myself two solid blood blisters. See, there's not a ton of clearance on that drive bay, nor is there a lot of purchase on the edge of that goddamn screw, so it slips and it pinches my hand every time.

So, that's where I leave off tonight- pissed off, big fat zero on gaming time, hurt hand and my new hard drive still sitting there waiting to be installed. Oh, and I've filed off a good part of the drive bay. Plus, one of those two other screws isn't budging either. My options from here:

1. Hope to God (Goenitz might be preferable in this case) that my mom has a cutting wheel left for her Dremel tool so I can slot these screws and try again with a flat head screw driver.

2. Pay for a screw extractor and hope that works.

Goddamn it, Sony. Goddamn it.

-Trakdown

Review: Snatcher (Sega CD)

Please hold your "ZOMG HE POSTED" comments until the end of the tour.

Sometimes when I reach into the good ol' backlog, I reach really far. But with finals coming up, I can't really get into a big epic of a game, so I decided to finally beat up on a game that's been tormenting me for years: Snatcher. And since I didn't see any translation patches for the Playstation version, I went with the only one with english voices: The Sega CD Version.

To be fair, if you're going to play a Sega CD game, might as well be this one.

A word of warning: If you're into fast action, guns-a-blazing, destroy everything gameplay...well, you'll get a bite, and no more. There are some shooting scenes, but they are few and far between. There's a lot of text and a lot of talk, and with good reason: Not only is this an adventure game (with a joypad, no less!), it's a Hideo Kojima game. Yep, from when he did things other than Metal Gear. So get ready for lots of story and occasional action scenes, with worse balance between the two than any trip Solid Snake ever took. Seriously, you'd be begging for MGS2's finale after this.

Note he isn't actively manipulating a joypad. You won't be either.

All the Halo players out of the room now? Good. Let's continue.

In an adventure game, the most important thing is the story. Sure, you need to have puzzles and traps, and usually something to at least threaten your life (Monkey Island being one exception). Here, you've got all three, but while the story in Snatcher is fairly good and not nearly as predictable as it first seems, it's not exactly original. There's a LOT of borrowed material in it- the game itself is a cyberpunk story a la Blade Runner, but there's also stuff borrowed from other Konami games. Your cybernetic partner is Metal Gear Mark II- you may know him from Metal Gear Solid 4, and he's introduced with the "ta-ra" theme from Metal Gear 2/MGS 1. Here, however, he talks, though it's not always a positive experience. It's kind of like C-3PO and the computer from M.A.S.K. had a kid. He also saves your game, totes evidence and is a phone, so at least he's useful. This is in addition to the numerous easter eggs, including a night club where Goemon, Bill and Lance from Contra, Sparkster, Dracula and Simon Belmont and even the boss from Lethal Enforcers show up!

Also, strippers. Feel free to make chauvinistic responses to that question.

You play as Gillian Seed, new assignee to the Junkers, a special detective unit. Some mechanized asshole Terminator wannabes are going around snatching the skin off of people (thus the name) and parading around as them. Since the rules state that such a thing is illegal outside of Mortal Kombat, you're required to go out and take them down, as well as find their hideout. Though like MK, there is a fair amount of blood/gore/yucky stuff because of their hobby. You do this by talking, looking, inspecting, using items and all the other wonderful things that you never, EVER get to do in real life.

Now, one problem with this is that you kind of need to understand how adventure games work. Thankfully, you're not fucking with a parser interface this time around- for you youngins, this is where you had to type in a sentence to get your character to do something and hope to god you wrote it the same way the pricks who coded the game did. Here, though, there are events that you have to take care of to trigger forward motion in the game. These aren't always clear, and sometimes, you end up doing things that you've already done multiple times just to kill time so that an event can happen. While I don't think there are any game breaking bugs here, it does add to your play time tremendously if you can't figure those times out. Thankfully, you're often given clues to help with the other parts, but I can also see people not knowing how to hit event triggers- they can be cryptic.

You ain't progressin' until she cheers up. And no, you can't shout "STOP FUCKING CRYING!" to speed it up.

To be fair, this is a good thing. Yes, I blew through this game in 8 hours, but I did it with a guide precisely because I don't have time to wait things out. Honestly, I don't think anybody would ever get stuck that bad- you'll eventually try everything and trigger it by accident if some other character hasn't flat told you what's going on. And really, games were bloody expensive back then. Maybe it's good that your $60-85 game lasted you forever.

So if getting stuck isn't that big a problem, what is? Well, we've got the shooting scenes. They're not really that hard, it's basically playing whack-a-mole with a joypad. You can use a light gun with it, but a) good luck finding one, b)I doubt you still have access to a Sega CD, Light Gun, copy of this game AND a CRT tv to boot and c)the light gun is actually harder to use. That's gotta be a first. These scenes are all pretty manageable, with the exception of the 2nd-to-last shootout where there's some shenanigans going on.

Most boring. Gun. Game. Ever.

But that's all an aside to the story, and I gotta tell ya: I understand the complaints about Metal Gear. I mean, at least with MG, you can shut the VA's up and just read the text for important info. Here, though, EVERYTHING is spoken. While the VA work is fine here, I really don't need the chief to reiterate everything I just did in the chapter prior. The ending is a fucking test of your patience, as you get to hear somebody drone on for 25 FUCKING MINUTES, all while your character, who is armed, sits there and lets him.

"GET TO THE POINT ALREADY!"

I find this actually hurts the game, since at least some of this could've been explained in the game. Thankfully, the soundtrack, while repetitive at points (Junker HQ is literally a 6 second loop) is still awesome overall, so at least that's one thing less to worry about. Overall, the atmosphere combines a bright neon future with a techy score, but still manages to keep a dark tone about itself through great graphics and a well drawn dystopia to interact with.

Besides, what other game lets you INVESTIGATE REMAINS? Pokemon Silver, sure, but besides that?

Snatcher's a fine game, and I would recommend playing through it. I doubt you'll play it again after your first instance, partly because adventure games are pretty much linear, and partly because you might want to keep your pulse up a little bit. Not the best game ever, but not horrible, and aside from Sonic CD, one of the only reasons the Sega CD should ever have existed. Just be aware that this IS a Hideo Kojima ADVENTURE game and you'll know exactly what to expect.

Oh, and get comfy when the ending starts. You'll be there awhile.

Move, Bitch.

So this week is apparently alternative control method week. Here's the story so far:

1. Broke out my GunCon2 (black version, $20 off of ebay which is beyond a steal) and loaded up some Gunbarl, or Point Blank if you're nasty-ish. Still plays great, and thankfully the graphic style doesn't need to be brought up to date. Time Crisis 1, unfortunately, is complete pixelated ass. I mean, I don't remember Virtua Cop looking this bad. But that might be my fault.

2. DJ Hero. Bought it for 20 bucks, opened the box. That's...it so far.

But the big release of last week was the Playstation Move, which I finally got a chance to demo. I was a little apprehensive at first; I mean, the Wii was fun, but the presentation and depth just wasn't there. I mean, after all, swinging a baseball bat is just swinging a baseball bat. Full disclosure: I ditched the Wii long before Motion+ was even announced. So I didn't know what to expect here.

Wow.

So far, I've only played a few games off the Sports Champions disc- Disc Golf, Table Tennis and Archery. But Archery was a hit (and yes, I'm ashamed of that pun) with me. Just the fact that it was so natural in line with motions (you pantomime pulling the arrow from the quiver on your back, loading it into the bow, pulling back and releasing) was amazing, and years ahead of what I found with the Wii. Sure, it's not a marathon game, but it's great in a pinch.

I also tried out Eyepet. Fun, but way beneath my age group.

Anime-wise, I decided to get off of Tomino-exile and give Victory Gundam a shot. I'm only 4 episodes in, so it'll be awhile before I can comment fully.

Jump in (a lake)

I've tried, repeatedly, to push myself to buy an XBOX 360. The surprise here is that honestly, there was a wiiiiiiiide fucking chasm of enthusiasm that was left when MGS4, rather than delight me, forced me to test the impact resistance of a SIXAXIS controller. That game was the reason I decided to buy a PS3, and this was at a point where there was a dearth of stuff yet to come. So I was disappointed, and really, I probably could've switched and probably would've if I didn't run the risk of buying a system that had to be sent to an infirmary via a parcel service, therefore depriving me of a console.

It's hard to argue I made a bad decision just with that info. But I can't imagine owning a 360 right now and being happy with some of the latest goings-on. I had thought earlier of a comparison between the two systems' online offerings, both basic and premium. The premiums basically came down to a choice between joining a book-of-the-month club with (thus far) admittedly shitty books or ones you already owned, and an approach more akin to a ransom note tied to a brick and thrown through your window once a year, demanding payment in exchange for your friend's list. It's your $50, spend it wisely- even if it's on neither item.

But how bad is this increase for Live? For me, it's horrible form, and it doesn't even change my online gaming capability. It's not even that bad an increase, at less than an extra dollar a month, but just the idea of it sucks. I don't have the numbers for certain, but I know that there was a fairly small, yet vocal group of PS3 owners who hated the drop of Backwards compatibility. There was an even smaller group that pitched a fit when the "Other OS" feature was dropped. But who doesn't fucking use Live gold on the 360? You need it to use Netflix for god's sake.

And I want to make clear: there's no fanboy lens here. I certainly can imagine it wouldn't be beneath Sony to decide to start charging for their online offerings. I don't know why they haven't yet, nor do I understand the lack of cross game chat. I fear that I will be pulled out of those fogs simultaneously. One thing's for sure, I'm not in any rush to pick up another system. At least I only risk being hustled once, for now.

Back online.

It's a bizarre thing to be on gaming hiatus for so long, but now that I'm done moving, I've finally had time to get back into gaming, somewhat. PS3 is hooked back up, PS2 soon to follow, Gamerang fired back up. PSP hasn't been touched, and I do need to fix that soon- Star Ocean isn't going to finish itself.

PSN+ still hasn't proven itself worthy, though I'll give it some time. Red Faction: Guerilla isn't a horrible game, and it's definitely something I wouldn't mind having on my hard drive, but I've already got it on my PC, which I'm currently building. Give me Warhawk as the free game for that month, give me access to the beta for FFXIV, give me something substantial. I sincerely expect September's offering to be, at best, a discount on Gauntlet II and Heavy Rain for rental. Then again, it's reasonable to expect a slow month when Madden comes out.

When this generation started, I began my forum life on PS3forums.com. It's not a bad place, honestly, but due to a desire to actually enjoy my games rather than yell at people about them, I kinda gave up the forum poster lifestyle. But I did make a rather prophetic statement: That Nintendo's attitudes towards 3rd parties was going to cause problems. Lo and behold, we now have had 2 games - at least - that are giving away HD versions of previous Wii exclusives with new games. The latest being NBA Jam, which is somewhat baffling; I don't know who would prefer a sim-style basketball game, yet still make time for an arcade game with horrible rubberbanding. I do know that, for somebody who played the original, HD+Online is much more appealing than a remix mode and boss battles since I don't remember asking for those when I had the original. Least of all would I pass up the latter for the former at a 39.99 premium.

SD Gundam G Generation Wars has turned out to be a new kind of fun for me: the more I figure out of the game, the better I like it. It's as if it found that part of my brain that I haven't had tickled in a while. Really, there's no simpler joy than a celebration for unlocking the ability to have the Gundam X crew helm your ship, at least not yet- I have entertained the possibility of having a dream team crew that would never happen in the normal Gundam continuity. I'm about to unlock the cinematic version of the satellite cannon, which is much better than the light-saberish map version. I get the feeling that this game may still retain my attention for a long, long time.